I'm not sure where this post is going. It has been a difficult few days, and I'm just sitting here alone with my thoughts. My husband is working, my kids are asleep. There's housework that needs to be done, but I think putting my ponderings into writing may be therapeutic. That's how I"m justifying the undone laundry while I type on the conputer, at any rate...
We have 2 school days under our belt. On Tuesday, I made an 11-hour trek to Indianapolis with my son for 5 doctors' appointments, a kidney ultrasound and x-rays. I prayed my way through that day - I'm not gonna lie, I was overwhelmed - and came home uncharacteristically calm about things. God can do that, obviously. The next day I had a crash, of sorts, emotionally. One of the kids was a bit reluctant (that's a euphemism) about becoming a kindergartner. I had to learn to catheterize (not myself, thank Goodness) and begin a voiding log. I'm holding a prescription for a drug for one child that has potentially disasterous side-effects. I can't bring myself to fill it. Several contractors are breathing down my neck for decisions on the house. No one has actually said so, but I get the impression here and there that there's some disbelief about my lack of progress on choices (ie. startled expressions upon hearing that, no, I have no idea what I want to put around the fireplace, and no, I haven't made 15 trips to the brick store to browse...).
Providentially, I am certain, as I'm hitting a low point, we're also celebrating Mother Teresa's 100th birthday. We've spent the past 2 mornings reading about her life, talking about all she did for mankind, and considering what she means to our family. When we began our adoption process, we casually named her as one of our patronesses for the journey. It seemed logical as our son was under the care of her Sisters. Now that our son is home, my reliance on her prayers and appreciation for her work has increased tenfold.
It is amazing that one person accomplished so much in a lifetime. It is wondrous that she allowed God to work through her so prolifically. In the face of parenting a special needs child, I now have a tiny understanding of how profoundly selfless she was. I have one son who requires a great deal of extra attention. She had hundreds, thousands of very sick, very needy individuals in her care. When she first went into the worst slum of Calcutta, she went alone, trusting God to provide.
Reading about her today, I am reminded that in the face of the poor, the sick, the abandoned, the crippled, she saw only Jesus. When one (or all) of my kids are driving my crazy, I should remember that in these little ones, I am looking at Jesus. What I do 'unto the least of these', I do unto Him who gave his life for me. For the whole world.
Remembering Mother Teresa's life today has given me a new hope, a new purpose. Adoption is hard. It is. It is joy-filled, but adjusting as a family can be difficult. Learning to care for a child who has major medical needs can take a toll. That's especially true if one focuses inward.
When I think that Mother Teresa never turned down a single child ever, I'm pretty sure that with God's help, I can care for the 4 in my house, regardless of what their needs may be.
It also gives me pause to consider that if it weren't for Mother Teresa, one of my children might, quite literally, not have life. I am in awe of and in gratitude for God's hand in the lives of His children. Mother Teresa said yes to God over and over throughout her life. We are called to do no less.
At the end of the evening, I got a call from a medical supply company. It turns out there is a type of catheter available that can make the whole process a whole lot easier. That seemingly inconsequential phone call gave my mental health a needed lift. Mother Teresa said that whenever it seemed the money for her projects would run out, a big donation would come just at the right time. God provides. Why is it so hard to trust sometimes?
Blessed Mother Teresa, happy birthday in heaven. Please pray for us!!
